mom humor
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Brought to You by the Letter S (for Screen Time)
Hi. My name is Sara, and I let my kid have screen time. I was a kid in the ’90s, and the TV practically raised me. PBS and Nickelodeon were my ride-or-dies. Barney taught me how to make friends (and tolerate people I didn’t like), Lamb Chop sparked my love for music, and Angelica Pickles? Read more
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You Can See My Face, Not My Kid’s
When I was pregnant with Miles, I made the decision not to post photos of him online. Why? Because I grew up in the wild west days of the internet. Where AIM away messages were therapy, and I was in chat rooms pretending to be a 14/f/FL when I was actually 12, talking to what Read more
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He Got a Pokémon Card and I Got a Meltdown
I don’t get kids. You can give them the best day of their little lives and still somehow end up cast as the villain in their four-act emotional drama. Like, explain that to me. For example, Miles is currently obsessed with Pokémon cards (gotta catch them all), so Mike decided to surprise him with a Read more
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Tired, Medicated, and Done Procreating
Let me be brutally honest: no, I will not have any more kids. I am one and done, baby. “But won’t Miles be lonely as an only child?” I don’t know, Martha, do you want to carry and financially support his sibling? Because unless you’re offering, I’m gonna go ahead and say he’ll be just Read more
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Self-Care? I Have 7 Minutes and a Granola Bar
Self-care? Never met her. I got a manicure and pedicure for Mother’s Day a month ago. Does that still count? Even therapy isn’t sacred anymore. During my last session, I proudly announced to my therapist that I was home alone with Miles but had prepped like I was heading into a hostage negotiation. I set Read more
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The Curse of the Door Side Parent
INT. SARA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. TOTAL SILENCE, SAVE FOR THE STEADY HUM OF A CHEAP BOX FAN CHUGGING AWAY IN THE WINDOW LIKE IT’S CLINGING TO LIFE. THE GLOW OF A DIGITAL CLOCK READS 2:43 AM. SARA (36), WRAPPED IN BLANKETS LIKE A BURRITO OF EXHAUSTION, IS DEAD ASLEEP – SLEEPING Read more
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Jack’s Mannequin, Rainy Streets & Mild Back Pain
Ahhh, the sweet sound of silence. No tiny voice yelling, “Mom, can you get me this?” every 3 minutes—no one treating my body like a jungle gym. Just me, my husband, and New York City—said in a dramatic Matt Berry voice. (IYKYK) While Miles was living his absolute best life with my mom (aka Binki, Read more
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AITA for Wanting Respect from Someone Who Just Wiped Boogers on Me?
r/AmItheAssholeMomJeans&Meltdowns 13 hr. ago AITA for wanting respect from someone who just wiped boogers on me? Hey guys. So, I (F36) live with my (M4) four-year-old, who has the hearing range of a bat when it comes to ice cream trucks or distant sirens but goes completely deaf the moment I ask him to pick Read more
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Poop, Puke, and Pool Chairs: A Vacation Tale
WARNING: This post may not be for you if you get squeamish when talking about poop and vomit. Reader discretion is advised. I am not your boss, though. Just warning you. The family bathroom door won’t stop jiggling, my four-year-old is crying like I just told him Daniel Tiger was canceled forever, and I’m frantically Read more
